Finding my CORE again.

Well, this is exciting.

I've been doing yoga lately.  It's been excruciating because I'm so out of practice.  I seriously have to psych myself into doing it hours before it actually happens.  Everything has to be perfect.  My mat must be freshly clean and I must have a spacious quiet area to do it in.  Seraphina must be recently fed and content and Caspian sleeping soundly. 

So I've been getting back into practicing for just over two weeks now.  Off and on...I'd do it one night and then skip like 4 days, then do it again.  Always short sessions...no longer then 25 minutes, except for the one time I did it for an hour at a studio.  Today is my 3rd day in a row on my own to do yoga...and I'm thrilled to say that it's starting to feel GOOD now, and exciting, instead of just plain tiring.  I did about 60 minutes of yoga tonight and it was effective. 

Yoga is another one of those things that I do at night when the kids are sleeping.  I hurt my foot last week so running (though I did push through the pain a few times, just because I'm dumb like that) is out of the question.  But YOGA...wow.  YOGA is becoming more awesome by the day.  I'm starting to FEEL my body in a way I haven't truly felt it, in a long long time.  Tonight especially was the first time in ages I actually made METAPHYSICAL CONNECTION with my CORE.

After a recent baby, this is great news and very exciting.  It reminds me of how thrilling it is to feel capable, balanced and poised in a muscular and graceful yoga body. 

I love having something to work towards in a physical sense.  Your body is your most important fashion accessory.  I can wear pretty clothes and makeup, but if my body isn't being actively worked on, I just don't think I look good.  However, even a short workout or yoga session every day is enough to lift my spirits and make me feel at peace with how I look as a 31 year old mom of 2.

CONFESSION:  I feel like during Seraphina's pregnancy, I REALLY dropped the ball.  I was doing pretty good with exercise and diet until I had a bout of unexplained spotting (blood) at 21 weeks pregnant.  It brought back memories of miscarriage experiences in 2013.   Needless to say I became terrified and extremely anxiety ridden.  I started feeling really sick again and nauseous.  I was afraid to work out, really, and I had people telling me that I should just sit around and gestate and eat what I want, due to the spotting.

I REGRET TAKING THAT ADVICE EVERYDAY, in the post partum period.

YES, I was pushing my exercise too hard while pregnant.  100's of squats and lunges, plus weight lifting and biking, a day.  But just giving into fear and stopping all exercise completely (for the most part) was really really not a good idea.  I regret listening to all those people who also made me feel even more anxious.  I went from being reasonably fit to completely sedentary, pretty much overnight, thanks to the fear of the unknown spotting.  The reason for the spotting was never discovered.  It was a very hard time during my pregnancy.  Hindsight is: I should have at least kept up walking and yoga.  And for GODS SAKE I should have kept my standards for food really really high.  I really slacked off, especially in the third trimester.

Well, I'm about 2 months post partum and in SHOCK at what just a few months of not sticking to my exercise and diet standards while pregnant has done to my body.  I seriously wonder WTF happened.   Transparency: I started pregnancy at 130 pounds exactly, fit as a fiddle with a tight bod, and I'm 163 right now and pretty flabby.  I'm working HARD to get my body back...as hard as I can at 2 months post partum recovering from a sedentary time of life.

Anyway I've learned A LOT from that pregnancy experience. Notes for next time:  NEVER listen to ANYONE who tells you not to work out and instead says you should sit on your ass while pregnant.  You can at least walk and do some yoga.  NEVER listen to ANYONE who tells you to eat whatever you want while pregnant.   It is 5x harder to take the weight off later then it is to put it on...keep your food standards HIGH, even if you don't feel like it. 

The thing about my body is that I have European bloodlines.  I'm Scottish and Welsh and my body WANTS to be round, especially with the hormones of pregnancy and breastfeeding.  I'm not a woman who shrinks and loses lots of weight due to breastfeeding.   I'm breastfeeding two kids right now, and it hasn't done crap for weightloss.  What HAS seemed to help is regular consistent and intense periods of exercise and a super duper clean and careful diet.  My entire adult life has been like this, even pre-pregnancy.  I'm not a girl who can eat whatever and be thin.  Nope.  If I want to be slim and fit, I have to WORK AT IT.  It takes a lot of discipline. I have to make clean and healthy eating and consistent exercise a daily priority, in order to achieve the results that I want.

I think it's like that for most people.  A great muscular and fit body won't just fall out of the sky.  You have to make time in your life for it. 

Anyway...YOGA has been nice to add into my workout routine.  I can feel my core activating, my hips loosening, and my entire body being restored to a sense of balance...

And because babies are still sleeping and I still have some time to myself tonight before I need to tidy up the house, I'm going to do some weight training.  :-D  Right now. 

"I won't stop when I'm tired, I'll stop when I'm DONE."