My life revolves around trying to get my baby to nap but her brother keeps waking her up over and over again.

I can GUARANTEE that if the baby is ALMOST ASLEEP, Caspian will run into the room and start talking really loudly right next to her ear, being rambunctious and disruptive.  Doesn't matter how many times I ask him to whisper or leave her alone while I am trying to get her to sleep, doesn't matter if I have given him an activity to enjoy or some snacks to eat, or invite him to read a book quietly.  I can GUARANTEE that if she is ALMOST asleep, he will wake her up.

EVERY DAMN TIME. 

You'd think that he would WANT the baby to go to sleep, because then he would get ALL of my attention and one on one time...but NO.  It doesn't work out that way. 

grr

Getting parenting advice from someone who isn't a parent...annoys the shit outta me.  Just sayin.

SHAKTI.

I am going to RISE UP.  I'm going to RISE ABOVE. 

I WILL NOT allow anyone in my life to drag me down. 

People can be negative, judgmental and just plain catty and mean.  Projecting all their shit onto you.  Demanding or crying for support, but incapable of giving it.  Even lashing out at you for daring to take a different path then theirs.   That DOES NOT mean I have to get sucked down into playing that game myself.  I MAY AS WELL just continue my onwards and upwards trajectory.  Keep my control.  Keep my focus.  Surrender into balance and PEACE. 

Keep it together.  That's what I do.  And let go.  I'm really good at this, too.  Letting go letting go letting go. 

Becoming UNTOUCHABLE. 

At some point in life, you just gotta stop kissing people's asses.  Stand up for yourself, by doing what's right for YOU and your path, regardless of the criticism, the condemnation and the judgement.  It's INEVITABLE, that if you are doing something new, something daring, something unique, people will hate you for it.   Either overtly or subconsciously.  It takes a self-confident person to support you when you're doing something in your life that they don't agree with.   It takes a self-confident person to continue onwards despite people doing all they can energetically to halt you in your tracks.  Well, I don't care.  I have blinders on, and I'll do what I do. 

I'm growing into my full Goddess self.   That's the destination.  I have a daughter now.  It's up to me to show her what is possible, as an empowered and evolved woman of this world.   And you know what?  An absolute REFUSAL TO SUBMIT to social pressure, whether of culture or from friends and family, is part of that.  And if you talk the talk, you better walk the walk.  That's called being consistent. 

I'm really good at just forging on ahead.  I'm glad I was born with this soul-deep determination.  I hope I pass it on to all my children. 

Maximizing the 24 Hour Cycle

There is a stereotype that if women are in charge and leading, that they are bossy and bitchy.  This is some BULLSHIT.

Can't fight the power.

I'm not bossy.

I'm a boss.  

Revolution NOW.

I'm thinking about starting an open internet blog where people can write open letters to the US government expressing their disgust, frustration and rage, in vivid rant fashion.  I also want to make fliers and circulate them in public places to spread information about the corruption to wake people up.    I'm not the only one by FAR who is pissed off.  The people are not being represented.  And I for one, am tired of being complacent.  I want to speak out in an organized, direct and abrasive way against the sadistic madmen who call themselves our "leaders."  I want to see how far my freedom of speech really goes.   I want to see "power of the pen" in action.   I want to reach people to RISE UP and REVOLT.  

An ugly wound.

WOW, it is so hurtful when you open up your heart to someone and they just ignore you.   It really fucking sucks when you take a chance and become vulnerable to someone whom you thought you trusted with your heart and turns out it doesn't even fucking matter to them.  The extra shittastic thing is that you know that they are completely under no obligation to respond, that was the stipulation in opening up, becoming vulnerable, you KNEW that there was a chance they could respond in a negative way, or completely not respond at all.  Yet when the person you open up to just completely cuts off all contact afterward and does indeed completely fucking ignore you, despite all the energy you throw at them,..it's a special ugly type of sting that is at risk of infection.  This wound feels putrid.  Obligation sucks, that's the worst part.  I don't want anyone to feel obligated to responding to me, I want them to WANT to respond to me.  And if they don't, if they just flat-out ignore me in such a cool, cruel way despite revealing my heart...then something just isn't working.  /Something isn't right.  And if something isn't working, then something else needs to change.  I hate one-sided relationships.  Either it's a team effort, or it's not.   And if it's not, then fuck it.

RUTHLESS.

I may actually be insane but I am done apologizing for my emotions or how I am.  I take responsibility for my actions but I really don't give a shit about being all shameful for emotions that I have, or how I am moment to moment.  I also have no more guilt for anything I have EVER done.   Why the fuck should I feel GUILT about ANYTHING.  No the fuck way.  I'm over it.  Guilt, shame, fear and pain only hold me back.  I'm a HUMAN BEING I seek happiness and feeling good in my body and living up to my highest potential as a spiritualized and activated conscious entity.  When it comes to BOUNDARIES...I only observe them ~ THEY DO NOT RULE ME.   I am BOUNDLESS and FREE.   Case closed.

Some people can't handle this.  I get it.  But I gotta say, I don't really care.  I don't care what other people think.  I don't care.  I don't care. I don't care.  If I cared, maybe things would be different.  But I don't care what people think of me.  I won't give anyone else that power over me.  Not anymore.  People can think what they want but it doesn't effect me because I am INDOMITABLE and will NEVER be repressed by the fear-based opinions, shameful thoughts, and guilt trips of others.  I am BEYOND giving a fuck, right here, right now.  I just want to LIVE and there is NO WAY anything can contain me.

I will simply BE.  I will live my life with RUTHLESS FEARLESSNESS and PITY THE FOOL who stands in my way.  The end.