Ideas for working titles

The Inside World Trilogy

Book one: Seedling
Book two: Plantasia
Book three: Expansion

Keeping it straight in my head:

The Witnesses:  Killing off the bad psions.  Recruiting the good ones.  Intergalactic policemen.

Axia Station:  Using xeno-genetics to create psychic weapons of war for the use of the Others.The people who run it are clones of themselves, bodies replicated over and over again from hundreds of years ago..

Plantasia One: the original hyperwomb biosphere prototype.  Using xenoscience and advanced atom engineering, the hyperwomb is a generator of life and a fully sentient world seed.  Intelligent techno-biological design for the Deep Space Refuge Project, the Plantasia One was capable of supporting millions of species, for billions of years, while traveling through deep space..  A self-sustained planet in its own right.

The Infinity Corporation wanted to keep Plantasia's location a secret from the Collapse War.

About the multi-galactic war.

  The war had left the universe in shambles. Both sides used weapons of mass destruction with the power of black holes, used with the intent of decimating whole solar systems, capable of bending time and space with their impossible magnitude. Space folk called them star bombs. The Infinity Corporation had created these for the use of the Sixth Legion of human hyperwombs, in the attempt to preserve humanity from the alien AI that they created. But when they gave the weapons to the alienoids too, it was only because they realized humanity was already lost. Infinity Corp saw no other way to start the Return then to cut the universe free from what was holding it back – mortality.   

Changing me, from the outside in, inside out.

It's metamorphosis time.  

I need to feel like I can change.

This is a time of wild transformation.  I'm just going with it.  

So much is different, and I'm getting my bearings.  

I know SO MUCH needs to change.  My appearance is changing by the day...not only due to the pregnancy, but there have also been cosmetic changes as well.  I feel more and more drawn to body modification, in the form of dreadlocks, gauged ears and new piercings.  I'm letting myself go in a way I never have before.  I just want to do what I want.  Seeing changes to my physical appearance (other then the big belly) appeals to me greatly.  I'm drawn to creating myself as I need to be.  It doesn't feel entirely conscious.  A lot of these cosmetic decisions are intuitive, instinctive.  I just want to adorn myself the way I want, and screw all convention.  Changing my look is what's helping me continue to feel attractive, despite starting to get heavily pregnant.  

I can't tell you how much more beautiful I feel in pregnancy, when I dread a piece of hair, or gauge my ears more, or put on some lipstick and a pretty outfit.  Life is 10x better in pregnancy, when I shift my appearance somehow.  I have experienced being completely sick, rundown and depressed, and a simple change in clothes like a slinky sundress, a super comfy and gorgeously colored harem outfit, and tie-dye yoga pants can revolutionize my energy and make me feel so activated and confident.  With this pregnancy, I have to keep mixing stuff up.  In fact that's been the theme of the entire experience so far.  Gotta keep shifting around.  

This period of dramatic change is indicated in my decision to amplify the storyline to my novel, turn it inside out, and make the premise galactic in scale.  I finally came to an understanding of what I need to do, in order to keep the story flowing.  It has felt like it hasn't been getting enough oxygen or something.  I needed to change a crucial piece of the world design, and completely change a perspective from a very important vantage point.  It's become paramount now that I go along with these changes, even though they are grand.  It can't be all about the biosphere.  It just can't be.  It's also about multi-galactic civilizations.  It's about the connection to Old Humanity, and where the future of our species is heading.  Most of all...it has to be a good story.  Which requires me to open up, let go, and literally think outside the box.  It's a big deal.  It means things are going to start happening again, pretty fast...my first book has just gotten a jolt of revitalizing energy.  

Pregnancy-wise...I am getting bigger and bigger.   I forgot how impressive a preggo belly can get in the last trimester.  My baby is a pretty fierce mover lately.  It literally feels like he/she is trying to break out of my belly at times.  The baby is breech, so hopefully it will turn soon.  My midwife said that the baby so active is a sign that he/she is trying to move head down.  Having a breech baby (head in stomach) has meant a return of sickness and upset tummy.  Hunger is periodic...I am starting to feel starving...but unable to fit much in my belly with a big head smashed into it and constant nausea.  Roxanne (midwife) says that when the baby turns, I'll have more space and less pressure for my stomach again.  But I'll probably get kicks in my ribs as the trade off. She's sure the baby will move head down soon.  I hope so.

In the meantime, I will just keep growing and changing.  Embracing the wild metamorphosis.  

Being Splintered

"This one will make others like itself.  This Being will be the start of a new paradigm, the bringer of apocalyptic genesis and genetic renaissance.  Axia Control knew this.  It's original purpose was to minimize the damage from the geneva's existence.  By splintering its body and mind into many different pieces, or seeds, the whole Being will stay controlled and reality will remain the same.  But should the seeds ever come together into one growth, absorbing one another, the effect would be devastating for all life in our dimension.  Should the Being remember what it is, its memory of itself and its natural purpose would destroy existence as we know it.  Even infinity is not enough time and space for some creatures.  The best we can do to protect ourselves, is to keep this Being from knowing itself.  The illusion must remain intact, in order for our own self-preservation.  The geneva seeds must be kept as dormant and regulated as possible.  Awakening them at all is and should be seen as an act of mutiny against the human race."

~Witness Protector, on Axia's Betrayal

Goodbye world.

I stood brooding in the Observation Chamber.  The bulbous blue Ova Core swelled on the horizon.   Axia was nothing more then a tiny red dot next to the absurd growth.   The insignificance of this position filled me with humility.   We are nothing compared to it.   I clasped my hands behind me and paced back and forth along the viewing window.  I could feel the light from Ova Core on my face, warm and yet damp, like a sweaty hand.  I directed my internal awareness towards the blue core and took in its energy.   A wave of tingling overcame my nerves, a sizzling electricity born through the synergy of earthly moisture and psychic fire.  I felt the pulse of the Entity in my veins. 

Alchemically, the world had spilled forth from the life promoting Core; calcified matter bursting through the eons to create itself into a type of space-tree.  A two-sided tree, a vast network of vines, roots and branches, powered by the Core at its center. 

I glared at the viewing window. 

The branches had been falling down for six days now.  

It's happening fast, I thought.  Plantasia was breaking apart before my eyes.  Bits of debris peeled off the massive root structures to crash down upon the world below.  Larger limbs would shake, and then the pieces would plummet.    Moments later I would hear the impact, a sick rumbling thud far below.  Thick purple dust choked the upper atmosphere, a testament to the disintegration of the world-tree.  I had no idea if there were still people alive down there, in the planetary womb.  If there were, I knew it wouldn't be for long.  Once the branches and roots came down, the outer shell would break apart.  The landmasses of hardened plant matter would become purple dust, and the oceans would rise to engulf all that was left. No human would survive.

The only one left would be me. 

Left alone with the Core, I thought, until it too disintegrates.

Or exploded.  One of the two. 

The Core of the planet glowed.  It seemed oblivious to the destruction, but for those who knew the Ova well, as I did, there were telltale signs as to its demise.  The round depths of its mass hosted a spreading stain, a dark shadow.  It was almost invisible except I could feel it too.  I knew what it was like I knew the back of my hand.  This was corruption.  This was the Long Death.  The darkness had reached the Core.  There was no hope at all now.  The very heart of the world had become poisoned. 

I just watched it, with an empty heart. 

“Goodbye, Mother,” I thought sadly.

Host and seed

In the case of a geneva, there is always a host, and there is always a seed.  Neither is complete without the other.   A genetic seed embedded into the DNA of host subjects reveals an astonishing array of potential psionic abilities.   The seed Is simply the key that springs the lock of genetic potential in the host.  Reality becomes permeable in various forms for the resulting geneva.   They are shown to be able to alter reality at their wills.  It is more then just a genetic tweak as the human subject grows into another species together, evolving to an alien genetic code as time goes on.  Unlocking the psionic potential of human beings has proved dangerous, with serious repercussions.  And why we pursue this path is uncertain; all we know is that geneva have had a connection with humanity dating back to Ancient Earth times.  

Plantasian Places

Skyline, Rivan, Valeska, Silundra, the Colonies, Tharkos, Atari, Eartha Two, Haneeryn, Keltlor, the Lost City, Gethany, Old Eden, the Shattered Lands, Nyyth, the Hellstraum, the Dark Water.  

I, Mother

I'm exploring a character's dark side.  Paetreyl.  I have to do it.   He gets pretty freaking evil at a few points.  But it's very exciting and I gotta say...I know this part of him pretty well.   He's basically a good soul who has gone astray.   But redemption is possible for everybody.  I TRULY believe that.

I'm pretty sure Velkess is related to Prem in some way also.   It's the logical conclusion their mutual energy fields result in.   Maybe a long-lost relative, or he just "planted" himself inside of her somehow.  

You see lately, I have just been attempting to get organized.  The players are taking their positions and we are just going to roll with it.   Believe it or not this blog is going to help me stay organized.    And there are certain things I just want to get into, talk about, vocalize.

So I've written about 2000 words since 3 days ago.  That's pretty good I guess...better then nothing.   It's SOMETHING.  A new chapter, in a new timeline.  And it's something I think I will be able to use.   My novel-writing process is so chaotic, but I think I can see SOMETHING beginning to form, through the dust.  

I'm channeling a lot of energy into it right now.   In between being a mom, house chores, socializing.   I'm just sort of zeroing in and allowing it to happen.  I'm making space for it.  Like when Eros takes the baby in the morning and I have about 2-3 hours to do whatever I want...whether that's exercise, writing or sleeping.    So there is that time to make use of, and that's a great thing.  Then there's the evening time...I'm usually so tired by then I just relax and eat (don't get much time to eat during the day) or I spend a bit of time writing.  I'm just returning to it more and more.  My days feel so full I feel like I'm getting cosmic downloads a lot faster.

So making better use of my time is paramount.  It's KEY.

The writing is sort of essential for my sanity.  BIG TIME.

That's the way it's always been, but lately it seems more significant then ever to express myself and seek completion through writing.  I can't explain it.  Maybe it's the baby's presence.  He is helping me get organized.   He does have the Cross of Planning, in his Human Design chart.  I think he is psychically teaching me something about getting together.  God, I love that little guy!

Speaking of the baby, he is at the stage where he REALLY seems to enjoy music.    It's pretty awesome to see him enjoying it so much. . He loves beautiful sounds.   He's getting to be SO cute.  5 months old this week.  

At this point I feel as though I'm living two different lives.   I have my writer's world where nothing is taboo to write and let loose about, and then my motherly world, where I am careful about everything I do or say in front of the baby.   Believe it or not this actually works out to my benefit.  I like having this rich writers world hidden underneath the surface of my mothering.  It feels really exciting...like I feel like the SUCTION to the Otherworld is stronger this way.

Stand back

I want to be a better person.

I think everyone does...right?

When I look at Caspian, I am LITERALLY FILLED WITH SUBLIME JOY.  It's like nothing else I've ever experienced.

I just want to be the best I can possibly be, for him...and yet I'm not even sure what that means.  I have this big hang up with seeking perfection, in myself and others, and then getting upset when this ideal is not realized.  Of course it's NEVER realized.  Nothing (and nobody) is perfect. 

What I've realized with my novel is that I just gotta let it FLOW

I'm obsessed with getting it perfect...but what does that even mean?  Perfection is unattainable...isn't it?

I'm not gonna try to be someone I'm not.  I'm not some super-hero.   I'm not a super-mom.  Though you can frakking bet I try to be.

In my day-to-day, I'm working on cutting out all curse words and using supplements like FRAK and SHIZNIT and SHISTA.

Frak and Shista sound like a pair of people I haven't met yet.  Maybe a pair from the Otherworld. 

In my HEAD...my REALITY...there is always two (or more) of me.  

This world is a dimension and in certain places...there are tunnels that you can vortex into, that send you through other dimensions.

Right now our dimension is colliding with another one.  That's why things seem so crazy and messed up.

I'm pretty sure that it's more important now to BE YOUR HIGHEST SELF then ever.   The land of dream and activated thought consciousness are becoming One.  That means all of our thoughts, have an immediate and dramatic effect on our landscapes.   Everything is way more intense.  And some people can't handle it.

I have days like that.  Where I just collapse under the pressure of being AWESOME all the time.

The goal is to invigorate the soul and get going.  Don't stop.   Just let EVERYTHING be how it's supposed to be.  Which is an BEING OF PERFECT LIGHT.   That's how everything is without the ego of thought.

I've realized that to be a perfect being of light, you basically have to get empty.  You have to stop having the ego of thought.  I don't think thought can be anything but egotistical, by default.  It's what creates MAYA, this labyrinth of illusion masquerading as reality.   DIRECT EXPERIENCE, and emptiness...is what you need.  You don't need thoughts to be that being of light.  Instead the PRESENT MOMENT, no thoughts, being beingness...is what it takes.   Especially when you are being artistic or creative.  

Here's my special challenge lately:  not FORCING anything.  When I speak of this, I mostly think of my immediate reality.  I can't force anything anymore.  I'm letting it all go, and flow.  My reality is more hospitable to me by far when I LISTEN TO MY SACRAL and not try to make anything happen.

WHEN i TRY TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN...bad things happen.  I'm serious.  I literally cannot manifest shit.   I mean, shiznit.  

So instead, my plan is just to let go of everything and wait to have things to respond to.   This is the actual strategy for a Generator of sacral authority with spleenic definition.  I work best with impulsivity, in other words.  "Things to respond to," can mean anything.   But usually from my experience, it's like a little "jump of attention," in my sacral.

Having a bunch of thoughts in your head can really mess up the sacral readings.   Emptiness.  Yes, that's what I need.  I actually understand that now.  In order to write this story, I need to be EMPTY.   I get it.

I didn't realize that, I guess.  I thought writing the story of a cosmic telepath meant I needed to  be as thoughtful as possible.  Which, in my case, is bordering on insanity.   But NO.  The truth, is that to be able to cope with all the information said telepath is throwing at me, I need to be as EMPTY as possible.  That's the true definition of being a channel...empty, allowing through.  

And not WORRYING.  Not controlling anything.  Letting go...letting God.

Vanishing into the Void.