Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Just a Scribe

Amazeballs. I am in love with life. It's horrible here on Earth. The air, sea and land are all polluted, as are people's bodies. And many people here are twisted fools. There's people dying and going insane everywhere. Nobody's really perfect. Everyone has problems, including me. Governments are corrupt. There is a mass extinction going on. But I still love life for giving me the opportunitiy to EXIST.  To CREATE something powerful, out of this time of global desperation.   I appreciate that. I'm a fighter, and I'm glad to have a fight to fight. Something to do that means me.  Something that I love and believe in so much that I can throw myself at it mercilessly, time and time again, just never giving up, just keep going, and going, and going, building and making the piece of work that will distinguish me as a writer.  In my mind at least.  ;) 

I sometimes think I don't have it in me. That I don't have what it takes. I sometimes wonder how one brain can contain it all.  I think, how can one human being,write it all?   I even sometimes think about giving up and just doing something else with my life.   HOWEVER...I am learning to just fucking ignore those feelings/thoughts of doubt and soldier on ahead, word by word., and daring to love every moment of it.   Learning to love the love of it.   I have to write all the time, I have to be able to just sit here and exist with my novel all the time, as much as I can.  And it's a meditation practice in a way, a way of training my mind to travel through space and time, like opening a wormhole to go into the page into another place that comes alive in your third eye.   Writing this novel is an AMAZING journey that I am so grateful for. I have to be a fucking warrior to do it. 

I don't know. I don't know if it will be any good at all. But I can't really pause to wonder about it, can I? Nope. I just gotta give into the urgency I feel and get it out, without really thinking too much about the end result, just hammer it out and see what happens. It's none of my business if it's bad. Not right now, anyway.   I'm just the messenger.  I just have to get it out, and enjoy the process.  That's my job.   Sometimes it's easy and wonderful and sometimes it's agonizing and haunting.  The writing flow ebbs and flows, but there's always something waiting to come be really depends on how CLEAR and CONNECTED that I am.

And I'm grateful for the opportunity to exist so that I can do what satisfies my soul.   Transcribing...that's all I'm doing.  I'm just the writer.  This thing is its own Thing.   I just let it do its thing, mostly.    I just write down what's happening.  That's easy enough.   Anyone can do that.   Just gotta sit with it.  

Definition of TRANSCRIBE

a : to make a written copy of
b : to make a copy of (dictated or recorded matter) in longhand or on a machine (as a typewriter)
c : to paraphrase or summarize in writing
d : write down, record

No comments:

Post a Comment