I sometimes think I don't have it in me. That I don't have what it takes. I sometimes wonder how one brain can contain it all. I think, how can one human being,write it all? I even sometimes think about giving up and just doing something else with my life. HOWEVER...I am learning to just fucking ignore those feelings/thoughts of doubt and soldier on ahead, word by word., and daring to love every moment of it. Learning to love the love of it. I have to write all the time, I have to be able to just sit here and exist with my novel all the time, as much as I can. And it's a meditation practice in a way, a way of training my mind to travel through space and time, like opening a wormhole to go into the page into another place that comes alive in your third eye. Writing this novel is an AMAZING journey that I am so grateful for. I have to be a fucking warrior to do it.
I don't know. I don't know if it will be any good at all. But I can't really pause to wonder about it, can I? Nope. I just gotta give into the urgency I feel and get it out, without really thinking too much about the end result, just hammer it out and see what happens. It's none of my business if it's bad. Not right now, anyway. I'm just the messenger. I just have to get it out, and enjoy the process. That's my job. Sometimes it's easy and wonderful and sometimes it's agonizing and haunting. The writing flow ebbs and flows, but there's always something waiting to come be written...it really depends on how CLEAR and CONNECTED that I am.
And I'm grateful for the opportunity to exist so that I can do what satisfies my soul. Transcribing...that's all I'm doing. I'm just the writer. This thing is its own Thing. I just let it do its thing, mostly. I just write down what's happening. That's easy enough. Anyone can do that. Just gotta sit with it.
Definition of TRANSCRIBE