Thursday, October 30, 2014

Corporeal Fires...

It hit me the other day.  Maybe when hearing about a close friend's grandfather passing away.  But I am seriously going to die one day.  So why the hell wait to do ANYTHING in life!  Oh my gawd.   I've been wasting so much time.   I have a limited amount of hours left in life.  That's a FACT.   I feel like I need to just maximize my use of them.  Holy shit.  

The phrase, "I'll rest when I'm dead," has taken on new meaning.   Like LIFE is meant to be taken to the limit and that all these little "life breaks" that I seek (like when I watch or read something that doesn't serve my highest) are just because I'm scared of my potential and responsibility to become great. 

But all I have to do to become great and serve the highest of myself, is to use the time I have on Earth wisely and push myself to maintain a powerful standard of life.   To make the most of every moment...seeing as how the time is limited.  I wonder how many minutes of life I have left...

I feel like I'm having something of a midlife crises lately, like I've just realized, "FUCK!  This is IT!  Why didn't anyone tell me??" 

(of course they had, but I was deaf and dumb...and in my 20's.) 

Now I've been gobsmacked by reality.   You know what?  I'm not saying "no" to what comes my way anymore.   I have a history of being so damn picky with what I "want to do" and what I want to spend time on, partially because there are so many options.   But I am dropping that behavior right now.   Things that come my way, opportunities to expand and grow and develop into SOMEONE, will be pursued with open arms.   Every moment must be nurtured to maximum potential.  Making the best use of the time I have left.   Going to work on my yes, instead of my no.  

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Things the voices say

" would be downright foolish of me to make mock of a desperate man with such a long sword and such a very short temper."   

~Duaire Chadawatz, referencing Neviar.    

Re-Invention is a Fine Art.

Doctor Irea Damarri knew that Paetreyl was a telepath from the start of the experiment.  In fact, she had designed him to be the best one possible. 

The question was: could he remain sane?  

It was always tricky with telepaths.  

Friday, October 24, 2014


I am going to RISE UP.  I'm going to RISE ABOVE. 

I WILL NOT allow anyone in my life to drag me down. 

People can be negative, judgmental and just plain catty and mean.  Projecting all their shit onto you.  Demanding or crying for support, but incapable of giving it.  Even lashing out at you for daring to take a different path then theirs.   That DOES NOT mean I have to get sucked down into playing that game myself.  I MAY AS WELL just continue my onwards and upwards trajectory.  Keep my control.  Keep my focus.  Surrender into balance and PEACE. 

Keep it together.  That's what I do.  And let go.  I'm really good at this, too.  Letting go letting go letting go. 


At some point in life, you just gotta stop kissing people's asses.  Stand up for yourself, by doing what's right for YOU and your path, regardless of the criticism, the condemnation and the judgement.  It's INEVITABLE, that if you are doing something new, something daring, something unique, people will hate you for it.   Either overtly or subconsciously.  It takes a self-confident person to support you when you're doing something in your life that they don't agree with.   It takes a self-confident person to continue onwards despite people doing all they can energetically to halt you in your tracks.  Well, I don't care.  I have blinders on, and I'll do what I do. 

I'm growing into my full Goddess self.   That's the destination.  I have a daughter now.  It's up to me to show her what is possible, as an empowered and evolved woman of this world.   And you know what?  An absolute REFUSAL TO SUBMIT to social pressure, whether of culture or from friends and family, is part of that.  And if you talk the talk, you better walk the walk.  That's called being consistent. 

I'm really good at just forging on ahead.  I'm glad I was born with this soul-deep determination.  I hope I pass it on to all my children. 

Saturday, October 18, 2014

About My Name.

When I was born, I was given the name Michelle Aileen Beechey. 

When I got married, my name changed to Michelle Aileen Rose 

When I was in my 20's, I was given the nickname, "MOTH," based on an internet alias. 

When I moved to Hawaii, I became known simply as, "Aeri." 

And now, feeling a return to my roots, I am choosing to be known by my middle name, Aileen, for the remainder of my adult life.  I just like the name and it's MY NAME given at birth, to all the women of my family, for generations and generations.  

It's a middle name given preference as a first name, which is totally legit.  

I've already met a few new people and introduced myself as Aileen.  Feels right, yo. 

Think I'm going to make it legal.  

This has to do partially with the name I want to see on the front cover of my novel...I like the vision of Aileen Rose on the cover of a book that I wrote.   Fits me. 

Friday, October 17, 2014

Yee-haw! Buzz buzz buzzzz

FEELING GREAT again!  I burned 700 calories on the treadmill yesterday afternoon and did some arm exercises.  I also feel great because I have REDONE my whole schedule! I have realized that it is WAY BETTER for me to work out during the day when Eros comes home from school, then it is at night.  

So after all day with the kids, I am SO READY to just have "me time" and do an intense work out when daddy comes home!  Eros is really supporting me with my fitness goals, so he has no problem giving me an hour or two in the afternoon when he comes home before dinner to work out.  :-)  Which is SO PERFECT!  It's really best to do my workout during the day.  Mornings won't work as I'm too out of it...exercising at 5:30am is not possible.  And by the time the kids are in bed I'm usually way too tired to move my body vigorously and if I do manage to, I stay up way way too late.  But late afternoon, before dinner?  Perfection. 

And THAT MEANS, I have the whole evening AFTER the kids go to bed for relaxing, writing and bathing, which is all I want to do at night anyway.  And THEN I'm able to get to bed at a "reasonable hour..." which is anywhere from 10pm - midnight, depending on how I'm feeling...

I'm SO SORE from exercising and it makes me soo happy.  I can't believe how uplifted and in control and calm I feel after a solid work out or yoga session it's amazing. 

Woot Woot