Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Keeping it straight in my head:

The Witnesses:  Killing off the bad psions.  Recruiting the good ones.  Intergalactic policemen.

Axia Station:  Using xeno-genetics to create psychic weapons of war for the use of the Others.The people who run it are clones of themselves, bodies replicated over and over again from hundreds of years ago..

Plantasia One: the original hyperwomb biosphere prototype.  Using xenoscience and advanced atom engineering, the hyperwomb is a generator of life and a fully sentient world seed.  Intelligent techno-biological design for the Deep Space Refuge Project, the Plantasia One was capable of supporting millions of species, for billions of years, while traveling through deep space..  A self-sustained planet in its own right.

The Infinity Corporation wanted to keep Plantasia's location a secret from the Collapse War.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

About the multi-galactic war.

  The war had left the universe in shambles. Both sides used weapons of mass destruction with the power of black holes, used with the intent of decimating whole solar systems, capable of bending time and space with their impossible magnitude. Space folk called them star bombs. The Infinity Corporation had created these for the use of the Sixth Legion of human hyperwombs, in the attempt to preserve humanity from the alien AI that they created. But when they gave the weapons to the alienoids too, it was only because they realized humanity was already lost. Infinity Corp saw no other way to start the Return then to cut the universe free from what was holding it back – mortality.   

Changing me, from the outside in, inside out.

It's metamorphosis time.  

I need to feel like I can change.

This is a time of wild transformation.  I'm just going with it.  

So much is different, and I'm getting my bearings.  

I know SO MUCH needs to change.  My appearance is changing by the day...not only due to the pregnancy, but there have also been cosmetic changes as well.  I feel more and more drawn to body modification, in the form of dreadlocks, gauged ears and new piercings.  I'm letting myself go in a way I never have before.  I just want to do what I want.  Seeing changes to my physical appearance (other then the big belly) appeals to me greatly.  I'm drawn to creating myself as I need to be.  It doesn't feel entirely conscious.  A lot of these cosmetic decisions are intuitive, instinctive.  I just want to adorn myself the way I want, and screw all convention.  Changing my look is what's helping me continue to feel attractive, despite starting to get heavily pregnant.  

I can't tell you how much more beautiful I feel in pregnancy, when I dread a piece of hair, or gauge my ears more, or put on some lipstick and a pretty outfit.  Life is 10x better in pregnancy, when I shift my appearance somehow.  I have experienced being completely sick, rundown and depressed, and a simple change in clothes like a slinky sundress, a super comfy and gorgeously colored harem outfit, and tie-dye yoga pants can revolutionize my energy and make me feel so activated and confident.  With this pregnancy, I have to keep mixing stuff up.  In fact that's been the theme of the entire experience so far.  Gotta keep shifting around.  

This period of dramatic change is indicated in my decision to amplify the storyline to my novel, turn it inside out, and make the premise galactic in scale.  I finally came to an understanding of what I need to do, in order to keep the story flowing.  It has felt like it hasn't been getting enough oxygen or something.  I needed to change a crucial piece of the world design, and completely change a perspective from a very important vantage point.  It's become paramount now that I go along with these changes, even though they are grand.  It can't be all about the biosphere.  It just can't be.  It's also about multi-galactic civilizations.  It's about the connection to Old Humanity, and where the future of our species is heading.  Most of all...it has to be a good story.  Which requires me to open up, let go, and literally think outside the box.  It's a big deal.  It means things are going to start happening again, pretty fast...my first book has just gotten a jolt of revitalizing energy.  

Pregnancy-wise...I am getting bigger and bigger.   I forgot how impressive a preggo belly can get in the last trimester.  My baby is a pretty fierce mover lately.  It literally feels like he/she is trying to break out of my belly at times.  The baby is breech, so hopefully it will turn soon.  My midwife said that the baby so active is a sign that he/she is trying to move head down.  Having a breech baby (head in stomach) has meant a return of sickness and upset tummy.  Hunger is periodic...I am starting to feel starving...but unable to fit much in my belly with a big head smashed into it and constant nausea.  Roxanne (midwife) says that when the baby turns, I'll have more space and less pressure for my stomach again.  But I'll probably get kicks in my ribs as the trade off. She's sure the baby will move head down soon.  I hope so.

In the meantime, I will just keep growing and changing.  Embracing the wild metamorphosis.  

Friday, May 30, 2014

Being Splintered

"This one will make others like itself.  This Being will be the start of a new paradigm, the bringer of apocalyptic genesis and genetic renaissance.  Axia Control knew this.  It's original purpose was to minimize the damage from the geneva's existence.  By splintering its body and mind into many different pieces, or seeds, the whole Being will stay controlled and reality will remain the same.  But should the seeds ever come together into one growth, absorbing one another, the effect would be devastating for all life in our dimension.  Should the Being remember what it is, its memory of itself and its natural purpose would destroy existence as we know it.  Even infinity is not enough time and space for some creatures.  The best we can do to protect ourselves, is to keep this Being from knowing itself.  The illusion must remain intact, in order for our own self-preservation.  The geneva seeds must be kept as dormant and regulated as possible.  Awakening them at all is and should be seen as an act of mutiny against the human race."

~Witness Protector, on Axia's Betrayal

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

28 weeks pregnant: powering UP

Time is starting to fly by, and I am feeling increasingly confident.  Confident in my upcoming labor and birth experience, and confident in my ability to mother two children.

I am starting to feel like a real badass.  I have embraced my pregnant body and I feel great about my appearance.   I feel beautiful and strong.  This time around, I am really enjoying this belly of mine.  It's so round!

Sure it gives me back pain.  Sure I get achy and sore.  But overall...I am liking this belly of mine a lot lately.  It's huge!

I honestly think the 3rd trimester is my favorite part of pregnancy.  The bump is obvious, pregnancy is in full swing, yet the end of the whole experience is in sight.  That makes it more fun.  This encourages me to enjoy every moment more.  I never got swollen feet with my son so I don't know if I will this time.  But overall it's a precious time.  The baby is so big now I can feel every movement.  Some of them are very uncomfortable, but overall...it lets me know that my baby is healthy and active so I like it.  I'm still having days where I feel sick too, but it's sort of become the norm...so I just continue on.

I'm just starting to feel so empowered...I have so much energy flowing through me some days...like I can move any mountain.

I never felt like this towards the end of Caspian's pregnancy.  I wasn't as empowered or focused.  I just got through it.  This time though...I feel like I am making the best of it.  I feel so amazing.  My whole psychic body feels like I have a host of exotic warrior women inside of me or something.

Slave fragment from book two

I was thrust onto the plank of the slave ship, arms bound. Nobody would believe my story. I had fallen from a world far beyond this one, into a land of ruthless barbarians. All they knew was that I was exotic, and would fetch a high price at the market in Atari.

I caught their thoughts repeatedly. I panicked at realizing my predicament, to be fettered in chains to other people, in a cramped dark hold on a Tharkosan slaveship. It had the potential to be a nightmarish scenario. My psionic barrier would be tested to the maximum level. I dreaded what was to come, and would do anything to stop it.

A burly Tharkosan escorted me onto the deck of the boat. He jerked me along by the rope bound at my arms and my collar clinked at my neck. “You are slave now,” he told me in butchered common tongue. “You nothing better then sauron dung. You belong to us, and we give you to the Atari.” He sniffed down his blunt nose at me. “You fetch high price.”

Terror rippled down my spine. “How do you know that?”

He gave me a big smile filled with cracked white teeth. “Because you pretty.”

He jerked the rope again indicting for me to follow and I staggered forwards after him across the deck. My equilibrium already seemed off, my head buzzing. I was acutely aware of all the raider's on deck staring at me with their bloodshot angry eyes, and the churn of crude thought chains. Their minds all seemed thick, red and smoky. The physical stink wafted on the sea breeze. The brute who had my rope pulled me towards a hatch on the deck that seemed darker and smellier then the rest. He pulled me near, and I sensed a miasma of pain and misery emanating from the hold of the slaver barge. My brain clenched in fear, and I scrambled, resisting at the cusp of the hole.

The smell that wafted out was beyond description. Dirty humans, packed in tight, tethered to the floor. And worse, the dense cloying sensation of their dark victim thoughts pressing up against me, tainting my perspective, sending black waves of depression into my mind . Nobody wanted to be a slave, I quickly realized. Nobody asked for this. All I felt boiling out of that dark stinking hole, was a miasma of fear, anger and despair.

And the Tharkosan raider was going to shove me in there. Me. The thought of going down in that reeking hole was more then I could bear.

I tried to escape. I jerked away from him and tried to run back the way we came. I was surrounded by raiders in a second, their thoughts and mouths both laughing at me. It was a silly escape attempt and I was carried back by one of the raiders, my clothing clasped in his large cruel hands, tight around my neck. I kicked and punched and struggled, fighting all out, but still too weak to impact the Tharkosan who carried me. The raider at the hatch opening chuckled. “Feisty,” he said. “Spirit will increase your cost on the market to the right buyer. Or it will attract the wrong one.”

I shrieked. The dark emotions of the slave hold boiled underneath my feet, a vicious whirlpool of rage and despair. In addition to the rising mental voices of miserable slaves, I heard a nonstop psychic cacophony from the boisterous raiders. They did not have to speak to me for me to understand that they thought I was pathetic. I was worth nothing to them except the price I would fetch in Atari. They saw me as cargo, not a person. My mental boundary flickered and the more time that passed, the more I felt it weaken. My nostrils burned with ammonia. The raider carried me closer and closer and closer to the dark stinking hole. I wondered how long it would be until I had fresh air again.

 “Please don't put me in there,” I pleaded. “I beg you. I'll do anything. I can't go in there.”

They said nothing. I knew they had heard it all before. Many, many times.

“You don't understand what I am!” I screamed.

“You are a slave,” the Tharkosan replied. “That is all.”

He threw me in.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Week 26 Mother's Day

I used to know how to blog.

I feel like I'm learning to do a bunch of things all over again lately.

At some point, after Caspian was born, there was a wipe of my psyche or something.

Now I don't know how to do anything I used to know how to do.

I'm not even sure who I am anymore.  I know I am MOTHER...I am mama.  Mommy.   And I like it.  But sometimes I wonder who I used to be.

I wonder if I'm the only one who sees parenthood as a psychedelic experience.  It's so all-consuming.  It's like the ultimate trip or something.  A real challenge.  You gotta RISE UP, and be the best person you can be.  It's crucial.  Not for yourself...but for your kids.

For the WORLD.


That's what parenthood is to me.  It's my opportunity to help make the world a better place.  For me, it's a transpersonal journey, the ULTIMATE act of transmutation.  Changing the negativity of the world into pure love for the sake of someone else.  For the world.

Responding with LOVE is the most important thing when you have a child.  Sure we all get frustrated, tired, overwhelmed.  But that's the divine test, isn't it?  Choosing to slow down, exhale and open yourself to love, even when it's hard.   Children ARE the future.  We don't know WHAT THE FUCK type of world they are inheriting.  It's CRUCIAL that we prepare them with as much love as humanly possible.  Just pour it into them, love them so absolutely and completely and wholesomely, that they never doubt that there is some good in the world.  Speaking softly and gently to our children, taking the time to understand and empathize.  I feel so so much empathy for my toddler, Caspian.   I seriously feel for him, in such an intense way, because I know his awareness is new to this planet.  He trusts me to tell him about things.  He trusts me to h show him that the fabric of everything, and the basis for all existence, is a loving heart, and a loving home.

At the same time, I have to explain to him the way the world functions.  Sometimes he is delighted with its mechanics.  And sometimes he really does't like the way things are.  Just like anyone, of course.

But when I parent my son, I feel like I'm changing the world.  I feel like I'm giving humanity a chance.  I'm making recycling, composting and gardening part of our regular existence.  I think it's important he knows that if he sees trash, anywhere, to pick it up.   I think it's important he knows how to treat animals with respect and love.  I think it's essential he is outdoors in nature a lot, to always feel connected to the energy of life, and to comprehend humanity's place in it, how we are all connected.