So here's what's going on: Neviar has come into play. Yep, he's in the mix now, for better or for worse. He started talking to me, and Kevin told me to use him. USE HIM. So I will. It seems like with his presence in the story so many things are becoming clear. I NEEDED Neviar. I just didn't realize it. Kevin wants me to write about him so I will. Neviar is bringing A LOT of good shit with him, including helping integrate and fuse Plantasia with Earth better, new perceptions of Plantasia, and new twists, turns and information to flesh out my plot with. I'm not QUITE sure how he fits in yet, but he DOES fill a very basic NEED of the story so well that I'm not going to argue against it. I'm just gonna flow with it. Because that's what I've learned to do. As torturous as it is, sometimes.
Plus it's downright hilarious at times to witness Neviar and Paetreyl interacting. Paetreyl is very psi and Neviar is very anti-psi and . So it's extremely fun sometimes to watch them play off each other.
It's also bringing attention to another group I need to highlight and develop: the WITNESSES.
They've been around for awhile, but I haven't acclimated them to Plantasia yet. It's a damn process getting everything figured out. I'm just doing my best to make it all work. I HAVE GOT TO. I am just FEELING like I have to kick into action and spend every waking moment with my novel. Except I'm still a mom of course. Still, every chance I get, I'M ON IT. At least sitting here with it...fathoming it...writing it, if it comes...
And SOMETHING always comes, that's the thing.
I am OBSESSED. I guess you kind have to be obsessed to write. But I am OBSESSED. All I want to do is work on my novel. It's all I want to do. This makes mothering difficult at times.
And I know my son should be my primary focus, and he IS. It's just that I am OBSESSED. All I want to do is work on my novel, and live in my characters mind. SERIOUSLY. It is taking SERIOUS EFFORT to keep myself grounded on “Earth” right now. I'm barely functioning as it is. All I want to do is work on my novel. So I do it every chance I get. But it's not enough. It never is. There is ALWAYS MORE.
I need to get this project done like you don't believe. I NEED TO. I feel it like a physical pain at this point. It actually HURTS ME if I'm not working on it. I constantly feel like I need to work on it. NOW. ALWAYS.
But I can't always. :( And it really really drives me nuts at times.
I strive not to resist it, and just stay in the moment with my beautiful son. He often gives me fresh inspiration. It's just that I have this other part of me too, an equally strong part, desperate to be expressed as soon as possible. So I am a multi-faceted being.
Finishing this novel is just something I need to do. NEED TO. I need to like I need air. If I don't do it, I am in utter suffering. It's just something I FEEL in my GUT. A signal has gone off big time. Like a gun going off. Like an alarm. Like a snap of the fingers. I gotta do this thing. I need to.