Being a mom, I'm forced to let go more. About EVERYTHING. It's just all affected. I just have to let go about everything. Otherwise I get the fear.
I'm glad I took time off from blogging for a little while. Basically what I realized...is that this blog is for ME. I just need to talk about it. Just spill it all out in one place. And there's a lot going on, trust me. My brain is a big jumbled mess and I need to just express in order to unravel it.
Wait, strike that. Reverse it. It's not a mess. It's a sense of order and precision so pristine and glorious that it requires a very high level of mindfulness to grasp.
What hits me where it hurts it that it will never be perfect. My sense of perfectionism is really a crippling factor in my total enjoyment of life.
But I just keep striving. I just keep striving to do it better. It being = LIFE.
The goal is to orchestrate a catalyst event. Catalyst being = manifestation at a high level of dream value.
I can't initiate it instantly. My friend is a Manifestor...she can just...DO things. It's eerie how manifestors can just decide to Be something, or go somewhere, and they are. I've seen it happen over and over again.
I never saw myself as a housewife. I NEVER did, sorry. I NEVER saw myself as a mother. It's what my sacral attracted to me, 100%. And that gives me a perimeter to go by. The sacral is TOTAL TRUST. The sacral ATTRACTS life to me.
So basically, as a generator, all I do is set the tone. Dial in the frequency. All the energy comes from the sacral. So responses made in my gut will have the most impact on my decisions in life...if I am not all wrapped up in my head.
Anyway, you really have to let go more, when you're a mom. To be honest, I sort of believe in God now. Like REALLY REALLY believe in God.
Something about the experience of Motherhood is helping me experience God, divinity. I'm tearing up at the thought. It's because it's such intense motivation to be the best person I can be. Put myself in a very high state of consciousness, because what's happening with my son feels like a very big deal. Parenting is terrifying, people. Awesome and terrifying.
What I want to attract to myself...is a writing career. I think that would be the tits. So, the more I write, the more I'll attract that.
Somehow being a mother is preparing me to complete some sort of great work. Because my time is limited, I'm learning how to make it a priority.
"The path seems twisted, until you know the way."