Burned.

Here, there, everywhere.

My parents are on the Big Island and we have been exploring and traveling every single day.  Today we went over to the Kona side.  We hung out at one of the most beautiful beaches I've ever seen.  Hapuna Beach.   I am burnt to a crisp.  I swam in the turquoise ocean for over an hour body surfing and snorkeling while Elan slept in my mom's arms.  That was the most fun I've had since being a mom.  Eros and I had a lot of fun together in the water, while my mom held my baby and he slept peacefully.   It was so incredible...Eros and I haven't had any synchronized fun-togetherness time (well, besides sex) in a LONG time.  Usually one of us always has to be with the baby.  It was SURREAL to have so much fun with Eros in the surf.  My mom gave both of us a great gift by taking care of my son.

Sunburn is a serious reminder of where you were before.

Quite frankly, I feel like I "needed" a sunburn.  I wasn't EXPECTING to burn.  But I do remember thinking a slight sunburn would be nice.  It's TOO much though, quite frankly.  I am freaked out with how burned I got.  Oops.  And after I gave my parents a speech on the fierceness of the tropical sun.  I wish I had dark skin that handled the sun better.

Well, it's been ages since I got a bad burn so I'm not too concerned.  Plus I just felt like my skin "needed" a burn.  I don't know why, but it was a feeling I had.  Getting a sunburn is like getting laser surgery. 

But you can bet I learned a valuable lesson about respecting the sun.  I mean, WOW.  I wasn't even out there for THAT long.  Only about an hour and a half. 

Anyway, I had a GREAT day at the beach, so that's what my sunburn means to me: that I had GOOD times with my family.

I am still working on learning to Trust.  Trust what, you ask?  Well...anything and everything.  Not everything deserves trust, of course.  In fact the cynic in me believes you should never trust anything, or anyone.  But I dunno, my ability to function at a high level REQUIRES me to trust, and NOT TO WORRY.  But it's not easy, not at all.  I have all this anxiety built up into me. 

But it is CRITICAL that I relax and release my worries.  The house my parents are staying in right now on the island is a Buddhist retreat house on the ocean.  It's such a gorgeous property.  Anyway, there were pictures of Paramahansa Yogananda all throughout the house.  Including a book that he wrote, on facilitating healing through right action.  This man is such a master.  What do they call them?  Ascended Masters.  He is one...he seriously guides me everywhere all throughout my life...it's crazy.

In the book he wrote, he talked about going on worry fasts.  Where for just an hour at a time, 3 hours a day, you focus on not worrying at all, just being at peace.   What a trip, right?  A dedicated HOUR 3x a day where you concentrate on not worrying.  It's genius.  It just takes PRACTICE not to worry, right?  Dedication.  The decision not too.  After all, life won't be different or the same regardless of if you worry or not.  Worrying is meaningless.  But most of us are too afraid not to worry at all!  That's the irony.  We feel as if when we're worrying we're "keeping track" of everything.  But really we're just creating a mental pollutant, a distraction.  When we don't worry at all, we are just in the present moment, AT PEACE.

Why not practice not worrying throughout the day, 1 hour 3 times a day, morning lunch and dinner?  Maybe make it a ritual that before you eat you must do the worrying fast for an hour first.   It's BRILLIANT.

I'm so glad I discovered this technique because I DO NOT want Elan to get my fears and anxieties passed down to him.  Therefore I must give up worrying.

As a mother, I really have to TRUST in the Moment.  I don't know what I'm trusting in.  Just trust itself.  Just believing that everything will be ok.  That there is PEACE HERE every single Moment.