Internally, my cells KNOW the air is supposed to be getting colder and crisper, and that the scenery should be changing all around me, exploding with an array of reds, oranges and yellows. This seasonal change celebrates the harvest and the thinning of the boundaries between worlds. It's my favorite season...or it used to be.
Fall is the time when my internal clock gets the most confused. We don't get that "fall feeling" here. There are no changing seasons here. Instead in Hawaii, it's warm and sunny outside like always, with palm trees and banana leaves. In fact, if not for calenders and clocks, you would never notice the passage of time here. The weather always seems the same, static, unchanging. This used to be desirable, now it feels strange. When my body is expecting a darkening and a changing of energy, the colors of a world going to sleep, there isn't any of that...it's just bright and hot and the same like it always is. It throws me off, every single year. I miss autumn the MOST out of any season on the island. I can't believe the whole rest of the country is experiencing this shift and I'm not. It's really difficult not to have the cycles of the seasons in my life. It makes me feel like I'm being left behind.
This year, I am pining for fall like never before. I feel like my head and my body instinctively seeks and desires that seasonal shift, but it's just not happening. It makes me feel quite disoriented. I still haven't acclimated to life on a tropical island.
I miss this: