Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Life as Four ~ Ganapati Om!!!

We are a family of four, at last, two adults and two kids.  So far the transition has been going pretty well.  There has been some challenging moments, especially the first week after the baby arrived, as I had my first taste of juggling the needs of two kids, and was so enamored with my baby that I could hardly focus on anything else.  That first week post partum, I remained safe and tucked away in my Cave, pausing from babyland only to interact and nurse my 2 year old son when he came in to visit wit his daddy.  I don't think I would have done it any differently.  It was exactly perfect to just sit there with my baby alone, she and I, except for occasional visits from the rest of my family and guests curious about the new arrival, people bringing me water and food, etc.  I am so so thankful Seraphina and I had that crucial time to bond together exclusively in the first week of life.  Hours and hours spent those first few precious days snuggling, Seraphina asleep on my body, both of us naked.  Skin on skin.  We got to know each other, and are still learning. 

She was fussy the first few days, and that was stressful.  I realized that every baby is sooo different with what they like and I couldn't seem to soothe her which troubled me.  But after my milk came in full force (and holy moly, do I have a lot of milk this time, thanks to nursing two kids!) she settled into a baby who is pretty happy most of the time. 

 Seraphina is a very strong and sturdy baby.  Even Roxanne my midwife commented on how good she could hold her head up from birth.  I was pretty amazed, as I remember Caspian being pretty floppy for a long time.  Not her.   She is also a hugely curious soul.  She is forever bending herself around and around to look and gaze at the world.  She spends hours a day alert and taking in reality with wide eyed awe.   All she wants to do is look around.

Caspian is delighted with his sister.  He proudly tells people that he has a little sister, loves to lick her soft head with his tongue (yes lick) and when she cries he tells her, "it's okay, baby!"  I'm starting to get that heart-warming feeling that I've heard parents speak about when seeing young siblings interact.  The first week or two, yeah, it was a bit harrowing!  Caspian seemed SO big and so wild, compared to my sweet new baby.  But I did some research on helping the older sibling adjust, and retrained my mind to see Caspian as he IS: still a very very young person, still little.  I am not falling into the trap of making a big deal over him being a "big brother" anymore, because doing that seemed to give him uncertainty.  Instead I just aim to pour love into him as much as possible and nurse him as much as possible with Seraphina.  This is working.  They are bonding.

He always asks to hold and touch her. 

Nursing 2 kids = tandem nursing = it's a bit difficult at times because you start to feel "touched out," like there is always someone on you, nursing, touching you.  But I know it's the best for Caspian.  In fact he really started taking a shine to his sister once I started nursing them together and at this point in time he seems happy and like he's adjusting well.  So I'm happy to do it.  He loves to touch her hands and her belly while they nurse together.  I am really enjoying seeing their relationship develop and blossom.  Now that I'm feeling healed from the birth, and pregnancy, I'm becoming FUN MOMMY again with him, which he is really enjoying.  I am too.  I deeply missed being fun mommy.

With tandem nursing sometimes one nurses then falls asleep on you, while the other one keeps nursing.   Many times a day I have both of them on me, but also make space for solo nursing sessions. 

I've had my mom here for weeks 2/3 of post partum, and she has really helped ease the transition.  But I am very ready to be on my own now.  I feel ready to do this thing with my party of four.

To carry me on my journey as a mother of 2 and to keep me on the right track mentally/spiritually, I've been listening to nonstop chanting and kirtan. Dave Stringer, Rasa, Deva Premal, the Gyuto Monks of Tibet.   It's awesome.  SO awesome.  It's really invigorating my soul and gives me motivation to DO WHAT I NEED TO DO in order to be the person I'm MEANT to be for my kids.  I got such a soul-treatment during my pregnancy and the birth of my daughter that I'm finding it very easy to just fall into doing the things that are **RIGHT** for me, that WILL build me up to be not only the person of my dreams, but someone whom my children can look up to.

 I've been reading.  Not just fiction, but yes, fiction...delicious fiction.  But also STUDY, reading majickal texts, learning how to cast my intention and attract what I want out of life.  It worked perfectly the last few weeks of my pregnancy.  It helped center me repeatedly in the last weeks of pregnancy and prepare me for the coming of my second child.  It helped me rebond with my mate, and to create a beautiful birth.  Studying these texts and giving the breath of life to my spirituality, allowing it to rise within me once again, has allowed me to have the courage to stop indulging in behaviors which I do not find noble or worthwhile.  Quitting my Facebook account was one of the best things I've ever done for myself.  I don't want to share myself with the government, or with people who would spy on me simply to steal my energy for their own use.  And I don't want to waste precious hours of life on the internet.  I want my children to see me reading.  I want my children to see me studying, with the goal of growth, ALWAYS. 

Meditation, focus, intention, praise, gratitude.  These are the words of my post partum life.  I am rising up but I do not forget where I have been.  I have the calm serenity of KNOWING where I am going, and it is beautiful.  My vision is clear and I am approaching the apex of my being, the mounting crest of destiny.  My children are helping me generate this reality.

I am blessed.

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