TODAY: I will ramble on about TODAY.
As I navigate the blurry days of being a mom again for the second time, I find myself blooming into structure, order and self-discipline like never before. I just NEED this, I NEED to be structured and in ORDER to be FREE and FLOW. If life gets chaotic, the best way to deal is simply to become highly disciplined and in control. Perhaps paradoxically, I am much more able to go with the flow of life and yield into growth and adaptation when I have myself firmly in check. When I am in check, when I am structured, I am calm and serene. I am relaxed.
The more kids I have, the more this self-discipline becomes crucial in order for my family and I to thrive to the highest levels of our beings.
EVERYDAY SPIRITUAL ECSTASY= THE MOST IMPORTANT GOAL. SOUL FOCUS, SPIRIT FOCUS. I feel it in the daily in's and out's of caring for my two children. I practice it in my thoughts and in my actions. In my self-discipline there is peace.
This FOCUS is so pristine! And so unexpected! When I was pregnant with Seraphina, I could barely think. I had no mind. It made me very uncomfortable, but I tried to keep the faith. In the end, I morphed into a FORCE OF NATURE. It led me to exactly where I needed to be, to open the portal that would not only birth my daughter, but also send my kundalini through the roof, connecting me firmly with SPIRIT. After the baby came ~ It's like there's a torrent ripped inside of me! I feel so open! So clear! So focused! The most powerful HIGH of my life has been giving birth and caring for babies. There is nothing else which compares...and I've done a lot of mind altering things in my life history.
IT'S ALL SO WORTH IT.
I'm so thankful. So much feels to have changed for me, INSIDE.
There's more that happens to a woman then a baby when giving birth, that's for sure.
My darling Seraphina, who has become an incredible teacher already:
Sleepy girl...she's having a growth spurt! Starting to get chubby already.
Caspian at gymnastics today with daddy and grandma, while mama and baby sister look on:
Nursing two...hard to get a picture of all of us. Mama is tired but happy. <3
I am beginning my journey to look for a kirtan/chanting group on the Big Island. Kirtan and chanting has become the ultimate refuge for my heart and mind. I pushed Seraphina out of my body listening to chanting. It's music to my soul. I need to find people who can do it with me and feel the ecstasy too. I'm going to call my acupuncturist tomorrow. I've heard that she knows about kirtan.
I just feel it. I feel it STRONG. I need this. I need this. I feel power in this. I love how it just builds...and Builds...AND BUILDS!!!!! ENERGY FLOWING LIKE CRAZYYYY!!!
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