Thursday, April 3, 2014

20 weeks...

I am 20 weeks pregnant with my second child.  Dear world.   And I never could have imagined how tough it would be.  How much I would be challenged in maintaining my center.  I was in such a great, powerful place before getting pregnant this time. Super physially active, confident but yielding to life and totally letting go.  I thought for sure I would be able to maintain that state of mind throughout a pregnancy.

It's proven difficult.  I still feel constantly literally is just something I live with now.  Sometimes I throw up, and it all has to do with certain foods suddenly making me want to throw up.  I don't understand it but it's really started happening A LOT lately.  Especially if I eat the same thing too frequently (even if it tastes great one day) I will feel sick and want to throw up another day, just by taking a bite of that food.  This causes me to never really know what to eat, so I mostly just eat to fill the hole, but it has to be skillfully done, otherwise I will get sick.  This causes frustration because I am trying to keep my food budget in line.  I can't just eat everything I WANT to eat.  So I feel like I am forced to eat foods that make me feel sick, although I do eat a decent variety.

I'm having so many more physical pains now then I did with Caspian's pregnancy.  Uterus, intestines, my bladder, my bones...they all ache.  My head even aches.  I don't remember this from Caspian's pregnancy.  I've started having strong baby movements and they are starting to hurt.  I'm only 20 weeks!  Baby's kicks and punches and jumps never really hurt me with Caspian's pregnancy...the worst with him is when his feet pressed up into ribcage.   He seemed to really have a different movement pattern then this baby does.  Caspian was pretty gentle with his movements.  This baby just pummels me every few hours, and it doesn't feel comfortable.

I am also already peeing every 5 minutes NO JOKE.  This baby is hanging very low.  Caspian was all up in my ribs.  It feels like everything is sagging in there this time.  Baby is low, I have to pee all the time...wondering if I have a bladder infection, so chugging cranberry juice but nearly gagging on the taste.

When I was 5 weeks pregnant, I was still working out 2 hours a day.  By 6 weeks pregnant, I was laying in bed all the time.  Every once in awhile I would force myself to work out, but those times are hard to come by.  I am too tired all the time.  My energy seemed to get worse in the second trimester, not better.  I have been SO exhausted this pregnancy.  I don't ever remember being really tired with Caspian's pregnancy.  This time I am so exhausted I can barely function.  I basically keep myself going some days by sheer will alone.


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